Thursday, 28 October 2010

Crew Quarters


Undarum: "Right, we're having to dock up at Impro corp's station, which means quartering arrangements will be other than usual. The Jovian wierdos that own this place are nowhere to be found and it's not exactly ordered. Long story short, you'll have to share. Ikai, Anuken, you're bunked as are you Sogeria and Idavolle. I know it's not ideal but there isn't much I can do. Watchman needs some love and I intend to make sure she gets it."

Anuken: "Yeah sure, I'm sure you're not loving the idea of us having to share."

Undarum: "Anuken, if I had planned it, I would have stuffed you in with Idavolle and watched you kill each other for sport."

Tolle VI - Moon 6 - Impro Factory
Crew Quarters, Section 5A7J

[OK, so watching my crew in quarters is a little creepy. Or a lot creepy. This said, I am doing important work at the moment and I don't need these guys screwing it up. Again. Hence, the watching.]

 Anuken: "Fucking bunking. Can you believe it?"

Ikai: "It could be worse. We could have Sogeria in here."

Anuken: "Or the egghead himself."

Ikai: "Undarum? He's a softie."

Anuken: "Kid, he's a capsuleer. He's the most dangerous sort of man. One with nothing to fear."

Ikai: "He's not that bad you know. Sure as hell could've been worse. You've seen what it's like out in the capsuller alliance badlands."

Anuken: "At least with that lot you know what you're getting. Undarum is all together more dangerous because he has an agenda I haven't figured out yet."

Ikai: "Or you're being paranoid. I think he just likes to make money."

Anuken: "For a genetically engineered genius you sure can be stupid."

Ikai: "Thank you too Anuken. Feel free to twist the knife while it's in there."

[Uncomfortable silence ensues for a good 10 standard minutes.]

Anuken: "You know I'm good at putting my foot in it, Ikai."

Ikai: "Because naturally that gives you the right to insult me as best as you can."

[Another 5 minutes uncomfortable silence.]

Ikai: "So, what was it like out in the badlands? All those capsuleers flying about, no CONCORD, no government?"

Anuken: "Something I think any Amarrian would call Hell. It beggars belief."

Ikai: "It's really that bad?"

Anuken: "It's worse. There are some things that you can't leave behind."

Ikai: "So.... what exactly happened to you out there?"

Anuken: "I really don't want to talk about it. Contrary to that Intaki idiot's ideas, [Charming] talking about it doesn't help."

Ikai: "Anything you can tell me at all? I'm just curious, I don't want to dredge up anything that will bother you too much. Any old war stories?"

[At this point Anuken grins the grin of the space veteran that is absolutely universal. I think it's about the first time I've ever seen him smile. It lasts for literally microseconds.]

Anuken: "Didn't you hear enough of those in the Orphanage? War stories from the war days?"

Ikai: "I was never all that interested back then."

[Now Anuken goes a particular shade of beetroot red that is reserved for patriots who feel their national dignity is being threatened.]

Ikai: "What did I say?"

Anuken: "Nevermind. Let's just get some sleep."

[Proof, were it needed, that the Caldari are as capable of pissing each other off as they are everyone else.]

Friday, 22 October 2010

[OOC] Brief Announcement

I don't intend to make a habit of OOC posts, but the real world has kept me unable to post for a while. Just wanted to let my readers know that normal service will resume soon! Got something in the works that I expect to post in the next week.

Until then, fly safe!

Thursday, 7 October 2010


This little aside happened very recently. I am telling this story as recollection, rather than record.


I am sat alone at a bar. I am drowning myself in some drink the Brutor's seem to favour. I am test driving my new liver, and it seems to be holding up pretty well. I'm three drinks deep, and Ikai joins me. I should point out I'm bald, basically hairless and looking even more capsuleer-like than usual.

Ikai sits besides me at the bar. He orders some cheap drink or another, I'm not really paying attention, and he pipes up.

"So this is what it looks like then."

"A clone," I reply, "Yep, this is the glorious combination of cloning and the pod. I'm alive, apparently. At least that's what the burning sensation in my throat is telling me. This drink is fucking awful."

"So why all alone? Not like you to be without your corporation mates. Y'know, the ones you haven't introduced me to yet." Ikai looks at me playfully, something I'm blatantly not in the mood for.

"We're not in the habit of knowing our crews, let alone introducing them to one another. It gets very, complicated."

He's a bright guy, Ikai, he really is, and he sees through me straight away.

"What because you might get us killed?" He retorts hotly. "Don't you think we know that already?"

"Of course you do. But in the event of your death, you don't have to relive that moment each night." This really pisses him off, evidently. Not that I can say I blame him.

"Oh for fucks sakes Und, feeling sorry for yourself is not your style. We know the risks. Fuck knows I've held together more than one ship by the bare nuts and bolts of the hull. You definitely ain't the worst out there. You're alive, man. Hell you cheated death! Not many can say that."

I smile half-heartedly at my Deteis friend. "I still don't understand how you can deal with all the death. And smile, fuck's sake."

He grins at me. "If you don't spend your entire time feeling sorry for yourself, you realise it could be much worse. I could've stayed on New Caldari, or stayed with the Guristas, and I wouldn't have as much fun, nor be as comfortable as a I am now. Nor able to afford the good stuff." He orders a drink from the bar keep, something mid-price this time, as though it's some vast display of ostentation.

This time I laugh out loud. "How is it you always manage to make me laugh?"

"I'm just awesome like that," he replies with a wink, "Oh, you know you're paying right?"

Saturday, 2 October 2010

N.S.S. Watchman, pt. 2


Ikai: "Where the fuck are the conkers?"

Undarum: "We're flagged as thieves. They ain't coming. Get the shields going. We can worry about our security standings with CONCORD later. Anu get the launchers ready to fire."

Ikai: "Incoming hybrid fire, they're letting us have it!"

Undarum: "Sogeria, lock down the frigates. This is personal, and I want to send a message these Serpentis goons won't forget. Get ready to fix the web on the nearest frigate. Ida, Anu, focus fire. I want maximum damage."

Anuken: "Torps are ready to go. These babies will hurt."

Idavolle: "Wasps are launched."

Computer: "Shields at 75%"

Ikai: "They're hurting us, but I don't think they're doing enough to break the shields... Undarum, I love this boat."

Undarum: "Don't get too attached, Ikai. We might still not get out of this. Keep your head in the game."

Idavolle: "Holy crap those frigs are dropping like flies."

Ikai: "Those Serp-mod Megas are hurting us bad though."

Undarum: "Frigs first. I want options in case this starts to go south."

Idavolle: "Drones are being directed to the scrammers."

Sogeria: "Webber is working like a charm."

Undarum (Local Broadcast): "Serpentis vessels, you are clearly outgunned. Cease fire and disengage immediately."

Serpentis Captain (Local Broadcast): "You have something very important to my superiors. We aren't leaving, and by the looks of your shields, neither are you..."

Undarum: "OK, now I'm pissed. Let them have it. I want every Serpentis ship out there burning."

Sogeria: "Locking on to their lead Battleship."

Undarum: "Hit the AB Ikai. Bet they've never seen a Rattlesnake move like this before."


Idavolle: "Holy crap their lead ship just bit the dust."

Undarum: "Yes Ida I see the same readouts you do. Just keep firing. These bastards need to know not to fuck with me and my boat."

Anuken: "Finally taking something personally?"

Undarum: "Any time anybody messes with my assets, I take it personally."

Sogeria: "Naturally, this is about your profit margins."

Undarum: "Lets not forget who got us into this mess, and why we're here. Now let's make sure they don't deem to send an much larger fleet after us."

Sogeria: "Such  the humanitarian, of course."

Undarum: "Sogeria, just do your job. I don't need your moralising right now."

Ikai: "Shields are holding at 80% now. They are barely scratching us."

Undarum: "Ida, Anu, burn them all."

Anuken: "Not much left in torpedo range. I'll make sure anything that gets close regrets it."

Idavolle: "Hitting the next battleship. Their armor is peeling off fast."


Undarum: "That's the last of them down. Whatever the hell it is that idiot of a brother has, Ida, they want it back, and badly. Get him awake and to your station now."

Idavolle: "On my way. I'll kick his backside myself at this rate."

Undarum: "Be thankful I'm not handing him over to them. They could show up with reinforcements. Ikai, get us to Simela pronto."

Ikai: "Already done, we're about to warp."

Idavolle: "You have to understand...."

Undarum: "I have to understand nothing. You're brother has endangered this crew and my assets. He put us all in harms way unnecessarily."

Andre: "I thought you podders didn't fear death."

Undarum: "This isn't about me, you moron. This is about my ship. You are lucky I didn't toss you out the nearest airlock, or for that matter blow your entire section into space. I still might."

Andre: "You can't do that to me! I'm a Federation...."

Undarum: "On this boat you are nobody. I took you on board as a favour. Still, if I don't flush you into space, then the Sarpati family will undoubtedly come looking for you. Perhaps I should just dump you at the nearest station and let you fend for yourself."

Andre: "But.... but...."

Undarum: "Not even an apology. You're pathetic, Andre. Don't ever darken my door again."

Andre: "But what about Serpentis?!"

Undarum: "You're an adult. Figure it out."

Andre: "They'll kill me!"

Undarum: "Give me one good reason I should care."

Idavolle: "Please, Undarum."

Undarum: "Ida, if he messes this up, I'm going to leave him for the Serpentis. Andre, you are lucky that you're brother is the best drone A.I. specialist I've had, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this. You get precisely one chance. Screw this up at your own peril, because I guarantee you that the Serpentis corp will not give up because one capsuleer took out a few boats in the back end of Amarrian space."

Andre: "I'm.... sorry, Ida."

Undarum: "What the hell you apologising to him for? Never mind, I don't care. I will make sure you're safe with the Sisters, but if you cock this up I will not continue to assist you in any way."

Idavolle: "Thank you, Undarum."

Undarum: "You owe me, Ida. Remember that next time you're whining about your working conditions."



Computer: "Docking request accepted."

Undarum: "Don't get comfy people. Nobody leaves the ship. I'm going to have a meeting with the management to see if I can come to some arrangements about Andre's immediate future. We need to beat a hasty path back to Federation territory if this is going to work."

Sogeria: "I'm not impressed, you know. All this show of apparent humanitarianism..."

Undarum: "Don't flatter yourself, Sogeria. I am not doing this to impress anyone. This is strictly business."

Sogeria: "Oh, sure. Of course it is."

Undarum: "And you would do well to remember who is in command. If you want off, I'll arrange the paperwork."

Sogeria: "Heartless and rude. What a charming combination. No wonder you capsuleers are so popular."

Ikai: "Then why are you here, Sogeria? Just who are you? You never talk to us about, well, anything and you are always so... impertinent. What's the deal?"

Anuken: "All good questions."

Undarum: "Just follow your orders, people. We have a fresh delivery of stupid that I would much rather be rid of sooner rather than later."