A Close Encounter of the Bad kind

For those who don't know me already, I make most of my ISK from hunting pirates in high security space. Now it isn't the riskiest business but it's not with out its close calls. Here is a transcript with my personal notes from a recent encounter with a large Guristas attack force.

I got the location from a Caldari Navy contact. They were paying quite well for me to clean up this little problem.

(For non-capsuleers, or those that don't talk directly with their crew, I have my ship set up to pipe my voice and static image to my crew's stations while I observe them on internal camera drones.)

Undarum: "Anuken, get those launchers primed. Load them Defenders for now, get ready to switch to Scourges."

Anuken: "Aye."

Undarum: "Sogeria, be prepared for jammers. Do your best with what we've got."

[Sogeria never responds much to this sort of instruction. She busied herself with the computer and my feedback was telling me she was doing her job quietly. She does look straight at the camera drone at one point, as if to tell me she knows I'm watching.]

Undarum: "Ikai, get those shields ready. Expect heavy incoming hybrid and missile fire. Concussive force and heat damage will be high so get ready. Make sure propulsion is specced and ready to go."

Ikai: "Sure Und. Working on it. All our mods are online and resistances are looking good. AB is online and ready to fire. Cap stability looks good too."

[Ikai knows he doesn't have to tell me all this. He knows I know. He just wanted something to do to take his mind off the fact he could be blowing up his old buddies.]

Undarum: "Idavolle, lets show them what advanced Caldari Wasps can do. I want them ready to launch with auto-targetting algorithms ready in case Sogeria can't keep the targetting scanners online."

Idavolle: "You really said that just to piss me off, huh? The Wasps are good to go. Not quite as good as the Ogres..."

Undarum: "But as we both know Guristas shields are more vulnerable to concussive force than heat damage. Use the Wasps or you'll be out there flying with them."

Idavolle: "Might be preferable to in here..."

Undarum: "Prep the drones, be offended later."

Idavolle: "Yeah yeah. Drones are good to go."

Computer: "Activating deadspace gate. All hands stand ready."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Undarum: "Sogeria, we got jammers. Ikai, inbound webs, get the shields repping pronto. Anuken, for fucks sake get those Defenders out there. We got incoming torps from those BBs and I would rather they didn't make it."

Sogeria: "Jammers in range. Can't get a single lock. Working on it."

Ikai: "Webbing frigs have us. Shit.... we're scrammed."

Undarum: "Fuck. Ida if those frigs aren't gone soon we're toast."

Idavolle: "Drones are following their auto-targetting protocols. They have primaried the HAC and without a target I can't over-ride."

Undarum: "Fucking Caldari drones. Remind me to update that software myself. Sogeria, how are we coming with targetting?"

Sogeria: "With those jammers still out there we're screwed."

Undarum: "Fuck with a scrammer out there we're boned. Ikai I want everything you can get me from the shields. I'm releasing the TeL (Thermodynamic lock) on those mods. Burn them out if you have to. Get everything you can out of the AB. We need to get warp aligned yesterday."

Ikai: "Shield at 50% and dropping. Fuck me, we need to get out of here."

Idavolle: "Thank you Captain Obvious. Wasps have primaried tacklers. Do you want me to pull them?"

Undarum: "Until that scrammer is down, there's no point. We'll leave them if necessary."

Idavolle: "I could buy my own ship for the cost of those drones. Damn pod jockey."

Sogeria: "I would rather be poor and alive, myself. Targetting is back but sporadic. Use it or lose it."

Undarum: "Ida get ready to over-ride the drone A.I. and primary that scrammer. Sogeria, keep those jammers busy. I need to get a lock on that scram frig.

"Ikai, prep for system warp to planet 4, it's closest. The minute that scrammer is gone I want warp."

Computer: "ALERT: Shields at 10%"

Undarum: "People get it done. I don't want to have to fill out the paperwork to send to your governments. I'm sure you'd all rather live, too."

Ikai: "Shields are basically gone. Even overloading to breaking point they're blasting chunks out of our armour."

Idavolle: "Drones are nearly through that scrammer. His shields are down."

Ikai: "It's not enough, we're nearly out of armour."

Sogeria: "Warp bubble collapse 15 clicks out. He's green, apparently. Sleipnir mod advanced Minmatar Command Ship..."

Undarum: "A.K.A. The Cavalry."

Ikai: "Scram is down, warp bubble forming..."

Computer: "Hull breach, section 5. Damage control shielding in place."

Ikai: "We're at warp speed, planet 4 approaching fast."

Anuken: "What the fuck was that? Are you trying to get us killed?!"

[This is why most pod jockeys don't talk to their crews. Sometimes I don't blame them.]

Undarum: "Anuken you know as well as I do I could kill you far more easily without damaging my personal investments. Like cutting off your oxygen. Don't think for a second I planned to lose more than you'll ever earn in the form of a pirate-mod Cruiser."

Anuken: "What the fuck do you care? You make a fortune. You abandoned those Wasps like they were nothing. I could retire with that sort of money! Do you have any idea how much they are worth?"

Undarum: "Several hundred thousand ISK, Anuken. The same ISK I use to pay you lot, feed you and pay your bar tabs. Don't make me remind you about your personal... employability issues."

[At this point Anuken throws something large and heavy at the camera drone.]

Anuken: "Don't you fucking dare! You almost got us all killed!"

Ikai: "Anu, don't say something you'll regret. You're alive, be happy!"


Idavolle: "I hate to agree with Anuken, but he's right. That was a death trap. They screwed us."

Ikai: "Guys, much as I am happy you're finally getting along, but arguing with the Captain isn't good for you! He knows what he's..."

Undarum: "It's alright, Ikai. If they don't like the risks, they can leave. Of course that means they will lose their pay packet, and I will stop paying their debts.

"Remind me, Ida, how much does your brother owe?"

Idavolle: "You son of a bitch! How dare you check where I send my money!"

Undarum: "Please, Ida, let's remain civil."

Idavolle: "Fuck your civility. I don't need your money!"

Undarum: "Yes, you do. Your brother's debts are measured in ISK. That's a hell of a lot of money planet side. You know you can't get that sort of money from the Navy. I pay you well, but think about the other capsuleers out there. Reckon they'd pay as well for your expertise? Think you are any less likely to die with them?"

Idavolle: "You cold hearted bastard. I'm going to make you pay for that one day."

Undarum: "Try me, Ida. Just try me. Now, Anuken. Anything to add? Fancy your chances joining up with KK?"

Anuken: "You know I can't. Doesn't mean I can't work for some other pod jockey."

Undarum: "You can leave if you want, Anuken. I have never forced you to stay. Just think about the lengths I have gone to keep you alive compared with your former paymasters. Or should I remind you what happened when you were out in Alliance territory? The Raven?"

Anuken: "Shut your filthy Intaki mouth you Federation loving son-of-a-..."

Ikai: "Anu shut it!"

Idavolle: "Watch your tongue you Caldari cu..."

Undarum: "Quiet all of you. You're alive and well paid. Drinks are on me whilst I get our boat repaired. Ida, Anu, if you want to terminate your contracts, I'll be on the pod gantries making sure it isn't your section that gets sucked into space next time we undock."

Sogeria: "What about me? Why should I risk my life for you again, Undarum? Whoever you really are"

Undarum: "Sogeria, if I knew that...."

Sogeria: "Don't even try it. Do it again and I'll kill you with my bare hands."

Undarum: "On account of nearly killing you, I'm going to let that one go. But don't think..."

Sogeria: "Spare me your threats. I'll be at the nearest Gallentean restaurant if anyone wants me."

Ikai: "If everyone has got their mutiny out for the day, I need a stiff drink."